The month of August is the only month on the U.S. calendar that doesn’t have a major holiday…lets change that right now…I want you guys to write back in the comment section with suggestions on what we can celebrate, as a nation, for the month of August, every year…I’ll start it off with my own short suggestion list:
1. Black Astronaut Day (dedicated to the handful of minority Astronauts that have went into space but more importantly to the thousands of kids who dreamed of being astronauts growing up but ended up robbing strangers at gun point and forever criminalized in the justice system)
2. Toe Nail Clipper Day (dedicated to the very first person to find a toe nail clipping, that wasn’t theirs, in the bathroom sink)
3. Pick your Booger Day (dedicated to the very first guy or gal to pick their booger and eat it)
if you have one, leave it below and pass this blog posting along to others who might have a suggestion
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
This Just In....breaking Bin Laden news
As reported when first released, the Navy Seals were the culprits behind the assassination of OSAMA BIN LADEN but this news-break has a new finding; come to find out the Seals were not responsible for the killing of OBL, it was the work of 1 man and 1 man alone
THE WORLD'S MOST INTERESTING MAN...the DOS EQUIS BEER SPOKESMAN took out and murdered Osama Bin Laden. President Obama or his administration could not be reached for a response on this breaking news but when reporters tracked down the Most Interesting Man, who was in Colombia, South America sipping on a platinum mocha latte with the Dalai Lama, he made this statement:
"Stay Thirsty Bin Laden, Stay Thirsty my evil friend"!!!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
ATM....AuToMated Reality
If for some odd reason your in search for a few moments of depression and you can't think of anything, go to your ATM and withdraw some cash. Depending on where you are financially this might not be the case but for most of the people I know--this ATM activity can really sour your spirits and act as a 'downer' for a person that may be looking to keep their motor revving high and strong
There's really no way around not visiting the ATM; you can do all your business online or go inside to a teller, but still, you're going to be in position to look at your remaining balance on your accounts and that can make most of us sick to our stomachs
There is a quick-intense moment of REALITY that smacks you in the face when you're standing at the ATM and those digitized #'s on the screen are glaring back at you and you see that big ole $28.16. And you say to yourself "Really?! is that all i got in my account? 28 dollars and 16 cents!...I'm a grown ass man and all i got is a got damn twenty eight dollars and sixteen cents--matter of fact I'm about to take out 20 dollars so all I really have is 8 dollars and 16 cents and I have to stretch this till next Tuesday...Come On Man!" (a fake tear drops down my cheek as disgruntled impatient customers continue to line up behind me waiting to use the ATM)
REALITY is a Bitch and it bites....hard!
...in addition I don't appreciate people that leave their ATM transaction receipts behind without throwing them away or taking it wit them...to me that's showing off..."Hey buddy, yeah you with the to-tight Ed Hardy dragon t-shirt, you wanna take this $188.00 checking account receipt with you, you requested it during your transaction, no showing off here, this here is the broke ATM, for entertainers, weed smokers and laid off-collecting unemployment folk, your kind is not wanted here!"
There's really no way around not visiting the ATM; you can do all your business online or go inside to a teller, but still, you're going to be in position to look at your remaining balance on your accounts and that can make most of us sick to our stomachs
There is a quick-intense moment of REALITY that smacks you in the face when you're standing at the ATM and those digitized #'s on the screen are glaring back at you and you see that big ole $28.16. And you say to yourself "Really?! is that all i got in my account? 28 dollars and 16 cents!...I'm a grown ass man and all i got is a got damn twenty eight dollars and sixteen cents--matter of fact I'm about to take out 20 dollars so all I really have is 8 dollars and 16 cents and I have to stretch this till next Tuesday...Come On Man!" (a fake tear drops down my cheek as disgruntled impatient customers continue to line up behind me waiting to use the ATM)
REALITY is a Bitch and it bites....hard!
...in addition I don't appreciate people that leave their ATM transaction receipts behind without throwing them away or taking it wit them...to me that's showing off..."Hey buddy, yeah you with the to-tight Ed Hardy dragon t-shirt, you wanna take this $188.00 checking account receipt with you, you requested it during your transaction, no showing off here, this here is the broke ATM, for entertainers, weed smokers and laid off-collecting unemployment folk, your kind is not wanted here!"
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Super Bowl Party-Etiquette Tips (II)
I posted this blog for the first time during last years Super Bowl (’10 Colts vs. Saints) and since then it has served as a teaching tool for those who are new or ignorant to the value of a real party-goer attending a Super Bowl Party. I thought I would re-post it with a few minor changes to keep events current:
Hey! If you're going to a Super Bowl party this Sunday and you know nothing to very little about the professional sport of football, do us all a favor and be very-very quiet and go hang in the kitchen with the ladies, the annoying dog/sleepy cat and the random guy who’s constantly checking his iPhone that nobody knows or how he got invited; and if you have some extra time on your hands go upstairs and keep the little kids entertained with your goofy ‘Lady Ga-Ga’ impression while simultaneously updating your Facebook and Twitter accounts with pissed off status updates that explain how u ‘Hate being at Super Bowl Parties’
Basically what I'm saying is "SHUT THE **CK UP"! Shut up and don't say a word until halftime and even at that point, you want to keep your non-football talk simple and easy. "Hey, how u feeling? Is your team winning?" [response] "Yes...now please shut your Pie Hole!" That the should be the extent of a conversation that involves a hardcore NFL fan and a somewhat casual party-goer that just happens to be at the party cause he felt compelled to be doing something everybody else is doing
No real NFL/Super Bowl fan wants to be zoned in on the 1st qtr of the game while answering questions from a sports novice about which player is who ("is that Ben Romoburger wearing #7?”) or (“how many points does one touchdown make?”) Especially when your favorite team is marching toward the red zone, getting ready to score their first touchdown of the game. You as the fan want complete focus from all who’s surrounding you and if there’s any conversation, it’s about what play will your team call on 3rdand goal
The real tip here is if you are a hardcore NFL fan and you truly want to focus on the game stay home, invite 2 or 3 (no more than that) of your truest football friends over--light up the ole 64-inch Flat Screen TV and watch the Super Bowl in NFL Bliss. This way you can focus, drink and yell at the screen without some 'American Idol loving' Douche-bag looking at you all crazy and telling you to "pipe it down a bit dude, its just a game, its no big deal". That type of guy will be littered all over super bowl parties this Sunday from California to Maine and sometimes they will travel in packs to S.B. parties; these type of people should be eliminated from all sporting activities/viewings, period!
This is more than just a game, this is the final and biggest game of the season for the NFL and we Americans are celebrating like we're entitled to each and every year and that's wit National Holiday reverence. After the Super Bowl all NFL fans will go into a hibernation detox withdrawal that's not a pretty sight to see; believe me, I'm n the early stages of it right now--I'm sweating like a pig 24 hours a day, sleeping only 3 hours at night and I"m losing weight rapidly...somebody please mail me a 12 pack of BLUE MOON, couple boxes of BACON WRAPPED HOT DOGS and a number 1 fan foam finger so I can start my recovery…with a NFL Lockout looming in the near future I will also need a couple of Kegs, a couple of Miami Dolphin Cheerleaders and some of that California-Snoop Doggy Dogg ‘sticky-icky icky’ to get through the offseason, if u know what I mean?!!!
Hey! If you're going to a Super Bowl party this Sunday and you know nothing to very little about the professional sport of football, do us all a favor and be very-very quiet and go hang in the kitchen with the ladies, the annoying dog/sleepy cat and the random guy who’s constantly checking his iPhone that nobody knows or how he got invited; and if you have some extra time on your hands go upstairs and keep the little kids entertained with your goofy ‘Lady Ga-Ga’ impression while simultaneously updating your Facebook and Twitter accounts with pissed off status updates that explain how u ‘Hate being at Super Bowl Parties’
Basically what I'm saying is "SHUT THE **CK UP"! Shut up and don't say a word until halftime and even at that point, you want to keep your non-football talk simple and easy. "Hey, how u feeling? Is your team winning?" [response] "Yes...now please shut your Pie Hole!" That the should be the extent of a conversation that involves a hardcore NFL fan and a somewhat casual party-goer that just happens to be at the party cause he felt compelled to be doing something everybody else is doing
No real NFL/Super Bowl fan wants to be zoned in on the 1st qtr of the game while answering questions from a sports novice about which player is who ("is that Ben Romoburger wearing #7?”) or (“how many points does one touchdown make?”) Especially when your favorite team is marching toward the red zone, getting ready to score their first touchdown of the game. You as the fan want complete focus from all who’s surrounding you and if there’s any conversation, it’s about what play will your team call on 3rdand goal
The real tip here is if you are a hardcore NFL fan and you truly want to focus on the game stay home, invite 2 or 3 (no more than that) of your truest football friends over--light up the ole 64-inch Flat Screen TV and watch the Super Bowl in NFL Bliss. This way you can focus, drink and yell at the screen without some 'American Idol loving' Douche-bag looking at you all crazy and telling you to "pipe it down a bit dude, its just a game, its no big deal". That type of guy will be littered all over super bowl parties this Sunday from California to Maine and sometimes they will travel in packs to S.B. parties; these type of people should be eliminated from all sporting activities/viewings, period!
This is more than just a game, this is the final and biggest game of the season for the NFL and we Americans are celebrating like we're entitled to each and every year and that's wit National Holiday reverence. After the Super Bowl all NFL fans will go into a hibernation detox withdrawal that's not a pretty sight to see; believe me, I'm n the early stages of it right now--I'm sweating like a pig 24 hours a day, sleeping only 3 hours at night and I"m losing weight rapidly...somebody please mail me a 12 pack of BLUE MOON, couple boxes of BACON WRAPPED HOT DOGS and a number 1 fan foam finger so I can start my recovery…with a NFL Lockout looming in the near future I will also need a couple of Kegs, a couple of Miami Dolphin Cheerleaders and some of that California-Snoop Doggy Dogg ‘sticky-icky icky’ to get through the offseason, if u know what I mean?!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
