Growing up in the midwest, of these United States, and going to college on the east coast for 3 years I got used to seeing a wide range of wild and domestic animals spread dead across highways, freeways and street/roads. Not a pretty site but it was the reality of the situation when you live in middle-america suburbia and the wooded areas that use to exclusively belong to mother nature is now cut up and occupied by asphalt-concrete, buildings, vehicles, litter, pollution, humans, etc...
But now I reside on the west coast, Los Angeles, CA., and since I've lived out here the roadkill epidemic that I'm use to has turned into something inanimate and to be honest quite deceiving; I call it ClothesKill and its running rapid all over the state of California
It's 2 in the morning and I'm driving home from a late night of 'kicking it' and I see up ahead a stretched out limp object in the middle of this empty street that I'm casually cruising on and of course I think what most people would think, it's shaped like some type of rodent so it must be a dead animal that unfortunately got ran over while trying to chase down its next meal crossing the street. As I get closer preparing myself to look, even though I tell myself don't look (I do this every time I approach 'something' laying in the middle of a road) I slow the mileage down as I drive around the deceased livestock but to my sullen surprise it's not a grief-stricken animal that met its demise much to early, its the bottom half of a pajama set streaked with tire tread, Damn! For the umpteenth time over the last half decade I've been fooled by the 'ClothesKill Reaper'
This only proves that I've yet to feel totally comfortable with the West Coast lifestyle, really? yes really, let me explain. In the Midwest/east coast landscape you might get an occasional clotheskill incident but for the most part objects that lay dormant in the middle of the street use to breath at some point within the previous 24 hours. But in the south&northwest region of the 'States' the calculations are much different; 75% of all items in the street use to hang, with starched pride, in somebody's closet or folded in a dresser, before it met its demise on Sunset Blvd
It's to the point where I'm convinced that there is some secret undercover late night wardrobe bandit running the main and side-streets of L.A., randomly dropping clothing material and other accessories with reckless abandon (there must also be a kid toy bandit as well because I see the occasional toddler pacifier and squeaky duck laying up against a dirty half painted side-curb) because how else would these items get misplaced in the street
When I wake up every morning and look out on the main street that crosses in front of my tenement I can see things laying in the street that when put all together tells a story in itself: Depend Diaper with doo-doo and mud-stains...ripped USC hooded sweatshirt...Ed Hardy T's...black and white 'Thriller' Jacket...Fedora...thermal underwear...Baby blanket...football mouthpiece...old breath mint...orange prison jumpsuit...'Last Dragon' movie poster...Yamaka...afro wig...jheri curl box...fluorescent panties...1 red sock...doo-rag...a ladys outfit from Neiman Marcus...zebra patterned Snuggie...Mickey Mouse themed Huggie...Shamwow...bluetooth...one tooth...kidney stone...rupaul's wig...ripped car & bicycle tires...golds gym robe...Obama '08 button...gay cowboy hat...one glitter glove...used and unused condoms...condom wrapper with no condom in it...silicone implants...lawn chair...lent...jump-rope...couch cushion...dentures...Billy Ocean cd...random cd from an artist you never heard of....costume jewelry...bathroom carpet...O.J. Simpson Buffalo Bill's t-shirt....half-eaten lowfat muffin...your finger nail and boogers...dried up blood...blood that has yet to dry...chicken bone...broken 40 oz. glass...Quizno's cup...Taco Bell wrapper...Wrigley Spearmint Gum...divided box of napkins...Honda rear view mirror...Superman cape...double D bra...skinny jeans...kids belt...grocey list post-it...receipt from McDonalds...used toilet paper...love letter from Jerry Michaels (who?)...hair patch...hair...the words 'etc., etc., etc.'...in the grand scheme of things all of this has much to do about nothing but it's still interesting!
p.s.
L.A. does have 60,000 homeless people occupying the city limits, that might explain a lot!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
The Grizzly Man
Sunday, June 18, 2006
One of the craziest or shall I say daring things I saw recently was a man called Tim Treadwell who chose to live amongst Grizzly Bears in the Alaskan Peninsula for 12 straight summers but during the 13th summer he and his girlfriend were killed by the same grizzlies he chose to live around
There was a documentary called GRIZZLY MAN that chronicled his journey and after watching it I don't know if I should call this man brave or stupid or both
His friends didn't think anything was wrong with him living with bears but all the experts knew that something isn't right when you're living with Bears and you think you are a bear which Tim thought he was, he thought he was actually the Bear bodyguards and protectors
There were many perplexed moments in the documentary but the one that stuck out to me was this: he would set the camera up in the middle of a Bear mating area and talk to the camera--he would give these running video commentaries--and there were many moments where a Bear would come up to him while he was talking to the camera and nudge him and Tim would turn around and defend himself by hitting the Bear on the nose and each time the Bear looked at him like he was crazy
Now there are 3 major things you Don't Do In Life...you don't hurt or kill people, you don't break the law and you don't hit Bears on the nose...turtles-okay, dogs-maybe but Bears-NOOOO! He would get so upset at the Bears that he would combat the problem by hitting them and that would be his form of discipline
Now here's the thing you can't get upset when you are clearly living in a Bears world, you are in their environment so you have to play by there rules. Now if you were to go to sleep tonight, wake up in the morning and take a shower and when you got out of the shower and a Bear was staring at you through the window then you have reason to get upset but until that happens stay the hell out of Bear-Land and hopefully we all can get along
He said it was his goal to protect the Bears, you know what I say go to any alley in any major city in America and protect the stray 'cats' and 'dogs'...they need a lot of help. The Bears can fend for themselves...
He got what he deserved and what he so desired; he died by the big paws of a Grizzly Bear who had yet retreated to hibernate, the Bear had one last meal before he left and that meal was Tim Treadwell
One of the craziest or shall I say daring things I saw recently was a man called Tim Treadwell who chose to live amongst Grizzly Bears in the Alaskan Peninsula for 12 straight summers but during the 13th summer he and his girlfriend were killed by the same grizzlies he chose to live around
There was a documentary called GRIZZLY MAN that chronicled his journey and after watching it I don't know if I should call this man brave or stupid or both
His friends didn't think anything was wrong with him living with bears but all the experts knew that something isn't right when you're living with Bears and you think you are a bear which Tim thought he was, he thought he was actually the Bear bodyguards and protectors
There were many perplexed moments in the documentary but the one that stuck out to me was this: he would set the camera up in the middle of a Bear mating area and talk to the camera--he would give these running video commentaries--and there were many moments where a Bear would come up to him while he was talking to the camera and nudge him and Tim would turn around and defend himself by hitting the Bear on the nose and each time the Bear looked at him like he was crazy
Now there are 3 major things you Don't Do In Life...you don't hurt or kill people, you don't break the law and you don't hit Bears on the nose...turtles-okay, dogs-maybe but Bears-NOOOO! He would get so upset at the Bears that he would combat the problem by hitting them and that would be his form of discipline
Now here's the thing you can't get upset when you are clearly living in a Bears world, you are in their environment so you have to play by there rules. Now if you were to go to sleep tonight, wake up in the morning and take a shower and when you got out of the shower and a Bear was staring at you through the window then you have reason to get upset but until that happens stay the hell out of Bear-Land and hopefully we all can get along
He said it was his goal to protect the Bears, you know what I say go to any alley in any major city in America and protect the stray 'cats' and 'dogs'...they need a lot of help. The Bears can fend for themselves...
He got what he deserved and what he so desired; he died by the big paws of a Grizzly Bear who had yet retreated to hibernate, the Bear had one last meal before he left and that meal was Tim Treadwell
'Shit' on my Car
March 07, 2008
Some 'one' or some 'thing' took a Shit on my car this week and I can't figure it out. I don't know why they did it; all my bills are paid up and I haven't been responsible for a 'hit and run' accident in over 2 years
Here it is...I got up early this morning, got dressed, ate, left the house, got in my car and started to drive off when I realized the ample-sized portion of Shit on the hood of my car
I pulled over, got out and analyzed the situation and realized that it wasn't Human shit (didn't smell enuff), it wasn't Dog shit (wasn't big enuff, unless of course a Chihuahua took a shit on my car and I don't think that was the case because I have a SUV and Chihuahua aren't strong enuff to jump that high, I think?) and of course I ruled out Big Foot or Gary Coleman
After careful consideration I came to the conclusion that it indeed was Cat Shit….yes a dirty little diseased infested alley Cat decided my car hood was a litter box and took a nice swirvey-curvy Shit on my hood, gangster style…Damn!
I was pissed that whole day and refused to let it go for days until a nice half Asian—half Jewish homeless gentleman informed me that Cat-Shit on the car is Good Luck. At first I thought he was 'pulling my leg' (because he was literally pulling on my right leg when he told me this) but after doing a quick Wikipedia search on my Blackberry (I gave the homeless guy $1.29 for his gift of knowledge), it turns out Good Luck-Cat Shit is one of the oldest proverbs in literary history. It reads:
'For one to receive Shit of Cat on hood of car means you have Cat Shit to clean off car hood' ……Not sure if that is good luck but I'll take it
Some 'one' or some 'thing' took a Shit on my car this week and I can't figure it out. I don't know why they did it; all my bills are paid up and I haven't been responsible for a 'hit and run' accident in over 2 years
Here it is...I got up early this morning, got dressed, ate, left the house, got in my car and started to drive off when I realized the ample-sized portion of Shit on the hood of my car
I pulled over, got out and analyzed the situation and realized that it wasn't Human shit (didn't smell enuff), it wasn't Dog shit (wasn't big enuff, unless of course a Chihuahua took a shit on my car and I don't think that was the case because I have a SUV and Chihuahua aren't strong enuff to jump that high, I think?) and of course I ruled out Big Foot or Gary Coleman
After careful consideration I came to the conclusion that it indeed was Cat Shit….yes a dirty little diseased infested alley Cat decided my car hood was a litter box and took a nice swirvey-curvy Shit on my hood, gangster style…Damn!
I was pissed that whole day and refused to let it go for days until a nice half Asian—half Jewish homeless gentleman informed me that Cat-Shit on the car is Good Luck. At first I thought he was 'pulling my leg' (because he was literally pulling on my right leg when he told me this) but after doing a quick Wikipedia search on my Blackberry (I gave the homeless guy $1.29 for his gift of knowledge), it turns out Good Luck-Cat Shit is one of the oldest proverbs in literary history. It reads:
'For one to receive Shit of Cat on hood of car means you have Cat Shit to clean off car hood' ……Not sure if that is good luck but I'll take it
LIfe without Cable
March 08, 2008
It's been 6 weeks since I loss my cable to the powers that be at Time Warner Cable. I hadn't paid my bill in a few months so Mr. Warner himself came by my apt. and snatched the box right out of my wall and proceeded to drive off into the sunset with much attitude. How could I blame him? I would be just as pissed if the shoe was on the other foot but I hope he understands how much pain and withdrawal I went through immediately following his departure. No more ESPN, no more HBO (I never saw the last 8 episodes of the series finale of 'The Wire'), no more A&E—History Channel—Comedy Central—Bravo—Animal Planet and any other channel that had alternative programming not normally seen on the 'big' networks
It took me a while to come out of my 'no cable' coma but once I got to the other side I realized I should of did this a long time ago. I was already a productive young man but I became an even more productive person under the guise of 'no cable'. Cable is nothing but a huge distraction, its regular TV times 10 and we all know how many times we heard the motto 'TV is nothing but the Idiot Box' growing up, so if that holds true what do we call Cable Television….'the Stupid Azz Mentally Retarded Box'?….sounds good to me
All I know is this, if we got rid of cable across the board this world would be a better place to live within. Without shows like Flava of Love, Girlz Gone Wild infomercials and any original programming MTV has to offer; we would then be able to focus on humanity issues like disease control, no war=more love, building a stronger economy, feeding those who can't feed themselves…Uh-oh! I would finish this blog but I have to go, my friend is here and I'm headed over to his house to watch the Ultimate Fighting Championship Series. There's nothing like 2 guys, in an octagon ring, beating the hell out of each other, no hold barred, for 3 three minute rounds…what a rush…!!!
It's been 6 weeks since I loss my cable to the powers that be at Time Warner Cable. I hadn't paid my bill in a few months so Mr. Warner himself came by my apt. and snatched the box right out of my wall and proceeded to drive off into the sunset with much attitude. How could I blame him? I would be just as pissed if the shoe was on the other foot but I hope he understands how much pain and withdrawal I went through immediately following his departure. No more ESPN, no more HBO (I never saw the last 8 episodes of the series finale of 'The Wire'), no more A&E—History Channel—Comedy Central—Bravo—Animal Planet and any other channel that had alternative programming not normally seen on the 'big' networks
It took me a while to come out of my 'no cable' coma but once I got to the other side I realized I should of did this a long time ago. I was already a productive young man but I became an even more productive person under the guise of 'no cable'. Cable is nothing but a huge distraction, its regular TV times 10 and we all know how many times we heard the motto 'TV is nothing but the Idiot Box' growing up, so if that holds true what do we call Cable Television….'the Stupid Azz Mentally Retarded Box'?….sounds good to me
All I know is this, if we got rid of cable across the board this world would be a better place to live within. Without shows like Flava of Love, Girlz Gone Wild infomercials and any original programming MTV has to offer; we would then be able to focus on humanity issues like disease control, no war=more love, building a stronger economy, feeding those who can't feed themselves…Uh-oh! I would finish this blog but I have to go, my friend is here and I'm headed over to his house to watch the Ultimate Fighting Championship Series. There's nothing like 2 guys, in an octagon ring, beating the hell out of each other, no hold barred, for 3 three minute rounds…what a rush…!!!
L.A. Marathon 2008...I completed all 26.2 Miles
March 2008
"THE PRESSURE’S IS ON BUT GUESS WHO WON’T CRACK (insert your own chuckle here)…PARDON ME…I HAD TO LAUGH AT THAT"
That’s all I kept saying to myself throughout the entire 2008 L.A. Marathon; that quote from rapper Jay Z’s lyrical catalogue is the main weapon I utilized to keep from quitting halfway thru the marathon; and considering I’m a lukewarm fan of Jay Z’s music, is what made my journey that much more interesting
I should have known I was in trouble when during the pre-race course drive thru the day before; I fell asleep in the back seat of my friend’s car and totally missed the last 6 mile markers. When I woke up my friends were laughing at me and announced that "if I can’t stay awake for a marathon car ride how am I going to complete it running?" I had no answer for such a great question
The throbbing pain from the pinch nerve that was running along the out side part my right knee was so bad that I at one point I had the psychotic but hilarious image of Jesus, Buddha and Allah running in front of me. And I immediately thought to myself "if indeed they are running in front of me why aren’t they helping me and more importantly or shall I say confusingly, they seemed to all be running in sandals which is highly frowned upon in the eyes of the marathon safety committee", anyway….
All of this disillusionment started around Mile 7, up until that point I was doing quite well, pacing myself and running with pride and honor. But like the old catchphrase states "All good things must come to an end" and my end was around mile 6.2
It was becoming very clear from mile 6.2 thru to mile 8 that I was going to have a very hard time completing this marathon in the running mode because as much as my heart said "Pick up the pace Cordell", my right knee said "Negro Please". It was very demoralizing for me to have to admit to myself that I was going to have to limp my way the remainder 18 miles to the finish line. And believe me there were moments (especially miles 9-14) where I thought calling it quits would be smarter in terms of my long term physical health. At the same time I was having hallucinatory tales of farm animals laughing and teasing me, women giving birth along the course and at one point as I was approaching Mile 12 I could of swore I saw a group of people pushing the marker back as I was running towards it. But nevertheless I soldiered thru with the help of a few marathon angels
The first marathon angel came in the shape of a teenage girl who stopped after seeing me riving in pain, as all 26,000 registered runners seemingly passing me by, gave me a pair of medicated patches to put on my right knee. That helped a little bit, I continued to limp for a bit more when a 2nd angel stopped to give me a 3rd medicated patch that I promptly applied to my knee before standing up again to continue the effort. Only then did I see the ultimate angel appear out of thin air by the name of Patty from Orange County (don’t officially know her last name so I replaced it with her place of residency) she gave me inspiration and additional reasoning to want to finish this race. To be honest all she really did was just limp along with me while proving to be a soundboard for great conversation (although her initial motives were to get me to join her in quitting the race so she wouldn’t be overly embarrassed when she asked the Race Officials for a cart ride back to the finish line) Of course after a few seconds of humming and awning I told Patty "Nope, I think I have to finish". Patty understood and proceeded to finish with me
The sun became stronger as the day moved along and it clearly took its toll on runners. I saw a few people throwing up, passing out, and giving up completely. I made sure I kept myself hydrated by consuming more than enough of oranges, water, Gatorade, pretzels, bagels, gel packs and yes even more oranges. I think I’m good on eating another orange until next year’s marathon. Patty and I limped tall along our path, we passed by numerous music bands playing along the street (most consisting of a religious tone—Jesus Christ had a huge presence on the course), cheerleader teams, animals play and serious fighting with each other, people young-old & disabled all cheering for us to "Don’t Give Up"
As Patty and I continued to get to know each other my knee slowly started to feel better and with her recommendation of taking a few Motrin pills and getting my knee wrapped with an ice pack and brace at one of the many Medical tents along the course I felt like I might be able to re-start my running at some point (of course that never happened). There were some neighborhoods along the course that were so ghetto/hood-ish that if I could of ran at any point during the marathon it would have been when I was crossing those streets. I never would of thought that gang-bangers and homeless skid-row vagrants were fans of marathons but apparently they are because they all came out to stand and stare and stare and stand…they were not cheering they were just staring with a inquisitive look that said "What the fuck are these motherfuckers doing running thru my ’hood….if one of them stops to stretch or tie their shoe, I’m going to put a cap in his ass". Needless to say I limped as fast as I could as I passed through those markers
By the time Mile 19 came along Patty decided she had enough and she quit the race so she could go meet her runner buddy and head back to the O.C., I thanked her and told her how appreciative I was of her and as we left each other a new found burst of energy came over my body which catapulted me through the next 3 miles. But of course a marathon is 26.2 not 22.2 so as I re-focused on the last 4 miles my knee decided to remind me of what excruciating pain feels like and that pinched nerve swelled up once again. By this time I had company with me. A Mexican and a black guy were limping along with me, they each had various leg ailments and as much as I wanted to care about them and their life story all I could concentrate on was finishing the race and not quitting. By the time I reached mile 25 it was just me and the Mexican. Don’t know if I would consider him an angel (no body compares to Patty from Orange County) but he was a source of continued pride and honor as we both looked and limped as the sun started to go down with the course slowly being shut down behind us. At one point during mile 25 I saw a few decrepit marathoners from 2007 flayed out on the side of the road screaming in pain and yelling to us to quit now so we could join them…I immediately chalked that up as an early sign of ’Post-Race Crazy Thought Syndrome’
As we neared the 26 mile marker, joy and happiness came across my body but then I turned the corner on to Flower Street and to my surprise I had another .2 miles to go. Damn! That was the longest .2 I’ve ever endured in my life. Despite the extra footage I mustered up enough energy to ’Limp-Run’ the last few feet and I crossed the finish line with a forced smile and enough pain to fill a house. I received my medal that signifies my completion of the 2008 L.A. Marathon. I briefly hydrated myself while eating a dried up peanut butter and jelly sandwich at the post-race meal tent and then proceeded to walk towards my vehicle so I could drive home and fall into a sleep like coma….
The End
By the way, my car was parked 10 blocks from the finish line so I technically finished a 27.2 mile Marathon!
"THE PRESSURE’S IS ON BUT GUESS WHO WON’T CRACK (insert your own chuckle here)…PARDON ME…I HAD TO LAUGH AT THAT"
That’s all I kept saying to myself throughout the entire 2008 L.A. Marathon; that quote from rapper Jay Z’s lyrical catalogue is the main weapon I utilized to keep from quitting halfway thru the marathon; and considering I’m a lukewarm fan of Jay Z’s music, is what made my journey that much more interesting
I should have known I was in trouble when during the pre-race course drive thru the day before; I fell asleep in the back seat of my friend’s car and totally missed the last 6 mile markers. When I woke up my friends were laughing at me and announced that "if I can’t stay awake for a marathon car ride how am I going to complete it running?" I had no answer for such a great question
The throbbing pain from the pinch nerve that was running along the out side part my right knee was so bad that I at one point I had the psychotic but hilarious image of Jesus, Buddha and Allah running in front of me. And I immediately thought to myself "if indeed they are running in front of me why aren’t they helping me and more importantly or shall I say confusingly, they seemed to all be running in sandals which is highly frowned upon in the eyes of the marathon safety committee", anyway….
All of this disillusionment started around Mile 7, up until that point I was doing quite well, pacing myself and running with pride and honor. But like the old catchphrase states "All good things must come to an end" and my end was around mile 6.2
It was becoming very clear from mile 6.2 thru to mile 8 that I was going to have a very hard time completing this marathon in the running mode because as much as my heart said "Pick up the pace Cordell", my right knee said "Negro Please". It was very demoralizing for me to have to admit to myself that I was going to have to limp my way the remainder 18 miles to the finish line. And believe me there were moments (especially miles 9-14) where I thought calling it quits would be smarter in terms of my long term physical health. At the same time I was having hallucinatory tales of farm animals laughing and teasing me, women giving birth along the course and at one point as I was approaching Mile 12 I could of swore I saw a group of people pushing the marker back as I was running towards it. But nevertheless I soldiered thru with the help of a few marathon angels
The first marathon angel came in the shape of a teenage girl who stopped after seeing me riving in pain, as all 26,000 registered runners seemingly passing me by, gave me a pair of medicated patches to put on my right knee. That helped a little bit, I continued to limp for a bit more when a 2nd angel stopped to give me a 3rd medicated patch that I promptly applied to my knee before standing up again to continue the effort. Only then did I see the ultimate angel appear out of thin air by the name of Patty from Orange County (don’t officially know her last name so I replaced it with her place of residency) she gave me inspiration and additional reasoning to want to finish this race. To be honest all she really did was just limp along with me while proving to be a soundboard for great conversation (although her initial motives were to get me to join her in quitting the race so she wouldn’t be overly embarrassed when she asked the Race Officials for a cart ride back to the finish line) Of course after a few seconds of humming and awning I told Patty "Nope, I think I have to finish". Patty understood and proceeded to finish with me
The sun became stronger as the day moved along and it clearly took its toll on runners. I saw a few people throwing up, passing out, and giving up completely. I made sure I kept myself hydrated by consuming more than enough of oranges, water, Gatorade, pretzels, bagels, gel packs and yes even more oranges. I think I’m good on eating another orange until next year’s marathon. Patty and I limped tall along our path, we passed by numerous music bands playing along the street (most consisting of a religious tone—Jesus Christ had a huge presence on the course), cheerleader teams, animals play and serious fighting with each other, people young-old & disabled all cheering for us to "Don’t Give Up"
As Patty and I continued to get to know each other my knee slowly started to feel better and with her recommendation of taking a few Motrin pills and getting my knee wrapped with an ice pack and brace at one of the many Medical tents along the course I felt like I might be able to re-start my running at some point (of course that never happened). There were some neighborhoods along the course that were so ghetto/hood-ish that if I could of ran at any point during the marathon it would have been when I was crossing those streets. I never would of thought that gang-bangers and homeless skid-row vagrants were fans of marathons but apparently they are because they all came out to stand and stare and stare and stand…they were not cheering they were just staring with a inquisitive look that said "What the fuck are these motherfuckers doing running thru my ’hood….if one of them stops to stretch or tie their shoe, I’m going to put a cap in his ass". Needless to say I limped as fast as I could as I passed through those markers
By the time Mile 19 came along Patty decided she had enough and she quit the race so she could go meet her runner buddy and head back to the O.C., I thanked her and told her how appreciative I was of her and as we left each other a new found burst of energy came over my body which catapulted me through the next 3 miles. But of course a marathon is 26.2 not 22.2 so as I re-focused on the last 4 miles my knee decided to remind me of what excruciating pain feels like and that pinched nerve swelled up once again. By this time I had company with me. A Mexican and a black guy were limping along with me, they each had various leg ailments and as much as I wanted to care about them and their life story all I could concentrate on was finishing the race and not quitting. By the time I reached mile 25 it was just me and the Mexican. Don’t know if I would consider him an angel (no body compares to Patty from Orange County) but he was a source of continued pride and honor as we both looked and limped as the sun started to go down with the course slowly being shut down behind us. At one point during mile 25 I saw a few decrepit marathoners from 2007 flayed out on the side of the road screaming in pain and yelling to us to quit now so we could join them…I immediately chalked that up as an early sign of ’Post-Race Crazy Thought Syndrome’
As we neared the 26 mile marker, joy and happiness came across my body but then I turned the corner on to Flower Street and to my surprise I had another .2 miles to go. Damn! That was the longest .2 I’ve ever endured in my life. Despite the extra footage I mustered up enough energy to ’Limp-Run’ the last few feet and I crossed the finish line with a forced smile and enough pain to fill a house. I received my medal that signifies my completion of the 2008 L.A. Marathon. I briefly hydrated myself while eating a dried up peanut butter and jelly sandwich at the post-race meal tent and then proceeded to walk towards my vehicle so I could drive home and fall into a sleep like coma….
The End
By the way, my car was parked 10 blocks from the finish line so I technically finished a 27.2 mile Marathon!
Hillary and Obama = Wonder Twin Powers
April 22, 2008
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are beating each other up so much in this Democratic primary that whoever wins the Democratic nomination will need the other as its Vice President just to make the general election competitive
The Republican party is the Evil Empire and right now there sitting back plotting and planning and dare I say enjoying this 15 round political boxing beat-down match going on between the two democratic nominee camps. John McClain will arrive with 'gunz-a-blazing' ready to risk all to continue the reign of conservative terror on the american people and you know what "he has a very realistic shot at becoming the 44th President of these United States"
I believe Clinton and Obama will be so weakened politically by the time the Democratic convention comes around that the only logical move to make will be to hire the other as a V.P. running mate. Now I know both candidates have re-iterated that they would NOT run under the other but there saying that now; we'll see come July when all of this is essentially over and the campaigning wounds they inflicted on one another is barely healing and the only jolt of adrenaline will be the campaigning and familiarity of the other candidate. To keep up with the Republican rhetoric this Fall, the Dem Party will need the likability of Barack and the veteran Capitol Hill experience of Hillary if there to stay relevant thru the general election Nov. 4th
I've personally endorsed the joint Dem ticket of Hillary and Barack for the last year and a half through my 1-person comedy performances and I think it would be quite sexy to have a Black Man and Woman leading the country together (did somebody say 'White House Fever'). Now all we need to find is a Mexican Secretary of State (comedian George Lopez?), a Gay Secretary of Defense (Rosie O'Donnell?) and a Midget National Security Advisor (or Asian if u can't find a Little Person....Jackie Chan or Gary Coleman?) to complete the Clinton-Obama Minority Rainbow Cabinet
Okay, I'll throw in Flava Flav as the Reality Show Secretary for the Dept. of Homeland Security just to make their tenure that much more interesting
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are beating each other up so much in this Democratic primary that whoever wins the Democratic nomination will need the other as its Vice President just to make the general election competitive
The Republican party is the Evil Empire and right now there sitting back plotting and planning and dare I say enjoying this 15 round political boxing beat-down match going on between the two democratic nominee camps. John McClain will arrive with 'gunz-a-blazing' ready to risk all to continue the reign of conservative terror on the american people and you know what "he has a very realistic shot at becoming the 44th President of these United States"
I believe Clinton and Obama will be so weakened politically by the time the Democratic convention comes around that the only logical move to make will be to hire the other as a V.P. running mate. Now I know both candidates have re-iterated that they would NOT run under the other but there saying that now; we'll see come July when all of this is essentially over and the campaigning wounds they inflicted on one another is barely healing and the only jolt of adrenaline will be the campaigning and familiarity of the other candidate. To keep up with the Republican rhetoric this Fall, the Dem Party will need the likability of Barack and the veteran Capitol Hill experience of Hillary if there to stay relevant thru the general election Nov. 4th
I've personally endorsed the joint Dem ticket of Hillary and Barack for the last year and a half through my 1-person comedy performances and I think it would be quite sexy to have a Black Man and Woman leading the country together (did somebody say 'White House Fever'). Now all we need to find is a Mexican Secretary of State (comedian George Lopez?), a Gay Secretary of Defense (Rosie O'Donnell?) and a Midget National Security Advisor (or Asian if u can't find a Little Person....Jackie Chan or Gary Coleman?) to complete the Clinton-Obama Minority Rainbow Cabinet
Okay, I'll throw in Flava Flav as the Reality Show Secretary for the Dept. of Homeland Security just to make their tenure that much more interesting
George Carlin..."The Greatest Comic of All Time"...6 words u won't hear from most people
June 29th, 2008
With the Greatest Comic of All Time...George Carlin... passing away June 22nd, 2008 there is only 2 comics still standing and breathing from the greatest generation of stand-up comedy (late 50's to the early 70's), Bill Cosby and Dick Gregory. There are a few other comics from this period who are still performing and doing a good job and I mean no slight to them but Bill and Dick are the remaining performers from that time in history who had a huge impact on the stand-up genre that can still be felt today
But I wanted to take a few moments to contribute to the endless amount of blog memorials that are being posted about Mr. Carlin. He was the ultimate comic storyteller and nobody has done more to raise the 'intelligent bar' in the world of comedy like George did for the last 45 years (comedian Bill Hicks was the closest thing we had to the next Carlin but illness cut his life short in the early 90's)
Carlin made u think about yourself and the daily grind of life as well as make you laugh at things and situations u never thought had comedic flavor. He's among 2 or 3 comics that I study and look up to in my career and I strive every day to reach the levels of superior communication thru laughter that he reached. With George it wasn't always about making the audience laugh at every punchline, he was building a Tale-Story that had a beginning, middle and end....material and structure u don't hear or see from comics in the 21st century, unfortunately
What made G.C. the greatest was his ability to perform at the top of his game for most of his career..a career that lasted 45 years...no comic in the history of Stand-Up Comedy can stake claim to that resume and for that reason alone... perseverence, creative fresh material and consistency...George Carlin is the greatest comic of all time!
p.s......some would argue that the late 70's and the decade of the 80's produced the greatest comics of all time (Seinfeld, Leno, Eddie, Wright etc) and that would be a great argument but when it comes down to it they don't hold water to the likes of Cosby, Richard, Bruce, Carlin, Woody, Gregory, Foxx, etc....if u don't believe me do the research
With the Greatest Comic of All Time...George Carlin... passing away June 22nd, 2008 there is only 2 comics still standing and breathing from the greatest generation of stand-up comedy (late 50's to the early 70's), Bill Cosby and Dick Gregory. There are a few other comics from this period who are still performing and doing a good job and I mean no slight to them but Bill and Dick are the remaining performers from that time in history who had a huge impact on the stand-up genre that can still be felt today
But I wanted to take a few moments to contribute to the endless amount of blog memorials that are being posted about Mr. Carlin. He was the ultimate comic storyteller and nobody has done more to raise the 'intelligent bar' in the world of comedy like George did for the last 45 years (comedian Bill Hicks was the closest thing we had to the next Carlin but illness cut his life short in the early 90's)
Carlin made u think about yourself and the daily grind of life as well as make you laugh at things and situations u never thought had comedic flavor. He's among 2 or 3 comics that I study and look up to in my career and I strive every day to reach the levels of superior communication thru laughter that he reached. With George it wasn't always about making the audience laugh at every punchline, he was building a Tale-Story that had a beginning, middle and end....material and structure u don't hear or see from comics in the 21st century, unfortunately
What made G.C. the greatest was his ability to perform at the top of his game for most of his career..a career that lasted 45 years...no comic in the history of Stand-Up Comedy can stake claim to that resume and for that reason alone... perseverence, creative fresh material and consistency...George Carlin is the greatest comic of all time!
p.s......some would argue that the late 70's and the decade of the 80's produced the greatest comics of all time (Seinfeld, Leno, Eddie, Wright etc) and that would be a great argument but when it comes down to it they don't hold water to the likes of Cosby, Richard, Bruce, Carlin, Woody, Gregory, Foxx, etc....if u don't believe me do the research
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