Mimi Page/ Shotgun Radio UCLA Radio Interview (Part1)

Craigslist 'Casual Encounters' Reading

Southwest Airlines Commercial Parody 1 09

THE REAL BABY WHISPERER--Reality TV pilot

Cordell 'Joker' Pace Stand-Up Comedy...IceHouse Comedy Club

N.F.L....National Flag Football Loser

I was recently invited to participate in a 'pick up' flag football and I immediately refused but after some careful but poignant prodding by my homies, I was persuaded to join a early Saturday morning game at the local park

Playing both defensive back and wide receiver through out the entire 2 hour game was rough, considering I hadn't played any sort of football related game in 10 or more years, but after starting off slow, physically, i rounded into shape at the 34 minute mark and preceded to lead my team to a narrow hard fought victory

I left the field thinking, " i can do this every wknd...I forgot how much fun flag football can be, its challenging but not to hard on the body cause you're not really tackling any body", the homies and i went to the local bar across the street and had a few adult beverages and bragged about how good of a team we could be if we played every week and at the end of the night we made a vow that we would join an organized flag football league come Fall season and really show the world how good we were. The rest of the night and even in my dreams I couldn't help but think how much of a grand time I was going to have with my new found hobby

The next morning I woke up ready to prepare oneself for work but something happen, my brain awoke on time but when it gave the rise and shine signal to my bodily limbs nothing happen. Well I won't say nothing happen cause that would mean I was paralyzed, I did move my limbs but it was at such a slow pace that a turtle could of out ran me. The previous days flag football game took a toll on me hardcore, those 2 precious hours of running up and down that park field made such an impression on my body that it took me 30 minutes to get out of the bed. It took another 30 minutes to get to the bathroom, 5 minutes to align myself in front of the toilet and 1 shameful-embarassing-gut wrenching request of my roommate; he had to help pull my shorts down to my ankles (i felt like a 1st grader) so i could relinquish that urgent-sometime annoying AM urination

It took me a grand total of 5 days to fully recover from that harmless game of flag football and judging from the non-phone calls i didn't receive from my homies, its safe to say they were going thru the same thing. The discussions and plans to re-invent ourselves into amateur flag football players came to a screeching halt. I'm sure the flag leagues don't tolerate crying from their players and believe me that's all i did the first 3 days I was recovering...yeah its time for me to switch to a sporting hobby that's more subtle and humble, like Pool-Chess-Badminton or maybe Bingo, I'm sure if I get good enuff at the bingo genre i can then take out an unsuspecting senior citizen. Hold up, let me think about that before I totally commit, some of these elderly folk have been known to a knock a mother@*#ker out over a B-2 or 0-68....

FALL is quickly approaching the City of Angels

I can feel Mother Nature changing from Summer Sun to the cool-cool 65 degree Fall weather temp (Los Angelenos everywhere are grabbing their Parkas)

There's no bigger sign of Fall approaching in L.A. then the calm some what annoying sight of elderly Asian women feeding Pigeons and then seeing that same Pigeon stroll over and 'pay it forward' by feeding a half-conscious homeless person...ahhhhhh!

Cleveland, Ohio is Still my kind of Town

Speaking as a homer Cleveland Cavalier fan that I am (I was born and raised in Cleveland although I now reside on the west coast) I say good-riddance to LeBron James and all that comes with his status and brand. LBJ chose to leave the city that Rocks and Rolls and head to perceived greener pastures in Miami, Florida. He will play with the best individual player in the league Dwayne Wade (although Wade has yet to win a MVP award like James, and is commonly referred to as the 3rd best in the league behind LBJ and the Black Mamba, he does have 1 skill that trumps the ‘King’ and that skill is being able to ‘close out’ games when the game and pressure is at its highest and most critical…Lebron has yet to master that skill consistently, especially come playoff time), he’ll also be playing with the great 'unknown' in Chris Bosh. We know he was very good in Toronto where he had no high expectations but can Bosh do it in South Beach when the lights and responsibility will be greater? Don’t know yet but good money says bet on C.Bosh deferring to the latter 2 come crunch time, he doesn’t strike me as a player that knows how to perform n ‘big’ games. I could be wrong but that’s my gut feeling

My town, my city suffers another gut wrenching loss in the world of sports, this time off the field/court but nevertheless it stings like a Michael Jordan jump shot or a John Elway touchdown pass. It’s safe to say it will be years-maybe decades before the city and Cavalier team recovers from this expected-unexpected departure by the Ohio Prodigal Son. Lebron and his family/friends will be lucky if they’ll be able to drive through Northeast Ohio and fill up his gas tank without getting shanked or shot at any time in the near future, hopefully it never comes to that but I can tell you this he and his enormous Nike Brand Ego will never sell a sneaker in that part of Ohio ever again…but I’m sure he knows that already, he’s a smart guy, right? He saw all this coming, right? Well I digress…..

So here’s the end of my open letter to my favorite city in the world, keep your head up and keep it moving and proving Cleveland, we’ll bounce back and we’ll be better for it. We're a hard working blue collar town with a ton of integrity and not a lot of glitz and glamour and I'm very proud of that reputation. I know you’ve heard this tired as pep speech before but it’s a reality when you’re a Cleveland sports fan…’Hope for the Best but Prepare for the Worst’…at some point all of this losing and disappointment will end and we’ll celebrate with a championship parade in downtown Cleveland. Let’s hope it happens before the next millennium, I’m tired of waiting plus I’m starting to get gray hair in my nose and pubic region…
……by the way if the Browns and/or Indians want to chime in on this discussion and try to win a championship in the next half century that would go a long way in easing some of this Cavaliered pain and anxiety

p.s.
Dan Gilbert, owner of the Cleveland Cavalier, I loved the DISS press release you wrote to Lebron James….it was self-centered-selfish-and very bias….exactly how a letter of that magnitude should come across. You stuck up for the city of Cleveland and its loyal fan-base and even though you came off looking just as classless as Lebron, he had the nerve and naivety to have a prime-time special announcing his decision-really?-I thought he might have been making an announcement about finding a cure for cancer, you were in the moment and you did what any jilted lover would do, you snapped back without thinking everything through, Dan you might regret what you wrote at some point down the road but as of right now, it all seems like justified karma.
It comes down to this when Lebron decided he was leaving the Cavs he should have walked in to Gilbert's office, looked him n the eye and expressed himself, shake hands and depart peacefully with a heavy heart; that's how a Man handles his biz, instead he ignored the owners repeated phone calls and the Cavalier organization found out when the rest of the world found out...that shiznit ain't cool!
Mr. Gilbert your statement to LBJ was a fun read and I don’t have a problem backing you and every single word you wrote. See u next NBA season boss-dawg, I would advise you to invest in a Shrink or some type of therapy; the next few seasons are going to be brutal! I will Ride and Live for C-Land until the wheels fall off or at least until the River burns up again!

Spring/Summer has arrived on the West Coast

One can tell Spring/Summer has definitely arrived in Los Angeles...the Homeless are now wearing Tank Tops, shortie Shorts and their seasonal dirty Thong!

all TASERS considered

There was an incident at Bank One Ball-Park last week (home of MLB's Philadelphia Phillies)where a over enthusiastic fan ran onto the field, towards the end of the game, and before he was subdued(that's describing it lightly) by stadium security he got a chance to run around the outfield for 15 seconds and gain the recognition of the players, fans and TV cameras.

Now how this fan was contained and captured has become a hot topic all over this country and I'm here to lay down the law, so to speak (pun intended)

The fan was Tasered by a Phillies stadium security guard and was whisked away and booked for jail. Now in the aftermath of all this there has been a percentage of patrons who believe this was excessive and not plausible for apprehension (to the credit of most Americans in this country they stood behind the action and thought it was justified)and that's where I have issue. How can any one think this Tasering was to forceful, considering all the dangerous acts through the years that has be-failed unsuspecting athletes/coaches who were doing their sports job when either they were stabbed in the back or punched in the face...etc, etc.

They need to make security Tasering mandatory at all professional sporting events in this country (in Europe Tasering is considered a light retaliation compared to Dog bites and Club-Stick bashing that goes on more frequently by stadium police)that's the only way you can curb the ignorant and rampant act of 'fan-field dash & run' that goes on year around at most MLB-NFL-USTA sporting contest

Matter of fact they should take it one step further and go in the stands and taser the hell out of drunk azz fans that start fights and disrupt the viewing of a hard paying fan who has his wife and kids with him and wants to enjoy the game in peace. Taser these guys relentlessly and maybe after a year of seeing hard-headed fans get caught-electrocuted and jailed other dumb-ass wanna-be's will change their opinion about causing trouble.

That's how I would run the law, can't u see the crime rate dropping significantly in this nation if JokerPace was Chief Supervisor of National Security? Say it with me, HELL YEAH! I'm officially allowing Tasering of drunk guys at bars, rude people at the bank, old people who take to long to pay for their groceries, the drunk girls who throw up outside of clubs, people who smoke cigarettes and throw the bud on the street, hot chick at restaurant who looks so good your making it hard for the married guy to concentrate on his wife......

Now all I have to do is find a way to stop all these crazy ass criminals from initiating high-speed car chases with police officers and endangering lives of innocent bystanders. How about a shoot first ask the guy to pull-over second mandate? I like that...what do u think?

the Obama Effect trickles up and down

I can only call it like it see it, the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama, has made an impact on racial relations in this country. Now he's not the only one and I'm well aware there was mutual understanding of cultures between people of different ethnic backgrounds well before Obama decided to run for office. But this new wave of mixed-racial friendship is outstanding.

Here's a good example of it:

The other morning (5:30am) I was stopped at a light on a busy downtown L.A. street. My SUV along with a car next to me were the only cars on the street. I looked over and I saw a Asian guy driving and seated next to him was a Mexican gentleman. And it was a pretty long light so I had a chance to observe these guys and what I witnessed briefly was a happy exchange between 2 people that might not have happened a few years ago (especially out here in a still somewhat segregated Los Angeles)....now granted the Asian guys was giving the Mexican a 'hand job', stroking and jacking the guy's penis off but that's a minor technicality in the grander scheme of a proud moment of Racial Tolerance

Can't we all get along? Of course we can as long as sex is involved!!!

Allen Iversons 'Crying' press conference (Transcript)

[We take you 'live' to a Philadelphia 76ers press conference]

76ers GM ED Stefanski: "Thank you for coming out this afternoon, it's a very special day for the 76er organization...we're proud to re-introduce Allen Iverson back to the organization....Allen"

[A.I. slides up to the microphone, seated at a table, with a huge NBA 76er logo banner behind him]

ALLEN IVERSON: "Crying...Crying...Crying...is that what we're talking about?....Crying! How silly is that?...we talking bout Crying...not joy, not happiness but crying...how the hell am I going to make my teammates better by crying, huh? I'm suppose to be the franchise player adn we talking about crying.....not joy-love-happiness but crying...not a game, not practice but CRYING

[A.I. starts gradually crying]

....It could be just one tear i drop all year and we focusing on my Crying......WHAT R WE TALKING BOUT MAN, WE TALKING BOUT CRYING!......

[A.I. starts all out balling crying, uncontrollably]

..... all i want to do is play basketball, that's what i was born to do....I'm one of the hardest-dedicated players n the NBA and we talking Crying....you guys can't do that, its not fair, its CRYING, that's all....its CRYING...."

[A.I. stops crying abruptly, wipe tears quickly, and with deadpan says "Next Question"]

the end

Super Bowl Party Etiquette Tips

Hey! If you're going to a Super Bowl party this Sunday and you know nothing to very little about the professional sport of football, do us all a favor and be very very quiet and go hang in the kitchen with the ladies, the annoying dog and the owner of the house your partying at who's simultaneously trying to figure out who clogged up the basement toilet while also door buzzing some body in through the front bldg gate

Basically what I'm saying is "SHUT THE **CK UP"! Shut up and don't say a word until halftime and even at that point, you want to keep your non-football talk simple and easy. "Hey, how u feeling? Is your team winning" [response] "Yes...bye" That the should be the extent of a conversation that involves a hardcore NFL fan and a somewhat casual party-goer that just happens to be at the party cause he felt compelled to be doing something everybody else is doing

No real NFL/Super Bowl fan wants to be zoned in on the 1st qtr of the game while answering questions from a sports novice about which player is who ("is that Clayton Manning wearing #12"?) and how many points does one touchdown constitute when Peyton Manning is n position to drive his Colts into the red zone and possibly score the first touchdown of the game

The real tip here is if you are a hardcore NFL fan and you truly want to focus on the game stay home, invite 2 or 3 (no more than that) of your truest football friends over--light up the ole Wide-Flat Screen TV and watch the Super Bowl in NFL Bliss. This way you can focus, drink and yell at the screen without some 'American Idol lovin' Dooch-bag looking at you all crazy and telling you to "pipe it down a bit, its just a game, its no big deal". That type of guy will be littered all over super bowl parties this Sunday from California to Maine and sometimes they will travel in packs to S.B. parties; these type of people should be eliminated from all sporting activities/viewings, period!

This is more than just a game, this is the final and biggest game of the season for the NFL and we Americans are celebrating like we're entitled to each and every year and that's wit National Holiday reverence. After the Super Bowl all NFL fans will go into a hibernation detox withdrawal that's not a pretty sight to see; believe me, I'm n the early stages of it right now--I'm sweating like a pig 24 hours a day, sleeping only 3 hours at night and I"m losing weight rapidly...somebody please mail me a 6 pack of PBR, couple boxes of Bratwurst and a number 1 fan foam finger so I can start my recovery

I'm already looking forward to the April 24th Draft

Maxwell...the new King of R&B

If the rhythm and blues/soul genre of music was looking for a successor for Marvin Gaye and the likes of Teddy Pendegrass I think he's been resurrected and he's staking his claim, again, as the 'man'

During the entire 2nd half of 2009 singer-songwriter MAXWELL toured the country and re-established what had been missing in the music-performance game...'Grown Man Sensual-ness' Ladies from the very young to very old was captured by his essence

I had a chance to see the brother perform at the Hollywood Bowl this past summer (my date for the night was the Doctor-Ms. Darnise Martin...a superfan of Maxwell for the last 10 years) and all I could do at the end of the night was stand up and give a roaring round of applause, he tore it down, he had every lady in the joint on the edge of their seat, he was playing 'em like a puppeteer. It was a fantastic show and I couldn't have been more impressed

Every women in the arena was 'moist' and a few even threw their panties up on stage, I even saw a guy throw his boxers on stage, not mine of course, that's how much control he had

Maxwell, welcome back, and thanks for changing the game a bit upon your re-entry (he took a 7 year hiatus from recording) I'm sure the ladies, and possibly a few of the fellas, are actively waiting for that next album

Here's Hoping Haiti's relief isn't Katrina-ized

While all the support and concern has gone toward the Relief for Haiti, and rightfully so, I can't help but wonder about the Relief we Americans gathered for the victims of the Gulf Coast 5 years ago after Hurricane Katrina ripped through New Orleans and parts of Mississippi. We all collectively gathered close to 800 million dollars (telethons, red cross, internet donating sources, etc.) to go towards the rebuilding of the southeast region of United States of America and unfortunately Louisiana and Mississippi was lucky if they received a quarter of that money, I recently traveled to New Orleans (summer of '09) and there is still a lot of work that needs to be done; there are portions of the region that look like earthquake ravaged Haiti (a virtual war zone of poverty and chaos); the money came in quickly during that first year but it slowed greatly after that

Here's hoping Haiti doesn't fall victim to a financial disaster after Mother Nature treated them so cruel. They need and should receive every penny the citizens around the world is contributing and then some for the foreseeable future

So the next time someone ask you to donate to the Haiti relief fund ask yourself who's responsible for helping and aiding the victims in the Gulf who've yet to recover from their own natural disaster...and where the hell is the remainder of the 800 million dollars?! It all should have went to the Gulf Coast

AVATAR = spectacular and overrated

I couldn't disagree more with people who believe this movie was Fantastic. Yes the special effects were outstanding and quite simply that's the least director James Cameron could do considering the hundreds of millions of dollars he spent on this film over the last 10 years. But with that being said the storyline is old and tiresome and it does little to keep the suspense throughout the film.

The special effects kept me interested enough not to fall asleep on this 2 hour and 40 plus minute film but the dialogue and story premise is sophomoric. About an hour and a half into the film one could tell what the final outcome was going to be, all u had to do is read between the 'bad' lines. Great effort on the special effects, they should win all type of visual arts/graphic honors during this Award season but to be nominated for best picture of the year by the Oscar committee is ludicrous; I guess when a film cost 500 million to produce (Fox Studios) and it rakes in a billion dollars at the box office voters are obligated to nominate such a film, and apart of me kind of understands that but lets be real at the end of the day this film is just an exercise in exploring the next level of computer graphic technology for the 21st century; if you want to see a film exploit the greatness of writing, story, characters and special effects re-rent the Matrix. Now that's a great flick!